From city girl to country gal

 One of the options Master has considered in respect of his parents is us moving back to the city, it ticks all the boxes, my dad is there as well as my sister and our children have all said they want to escape the country, I can understand the children's views as young adults there isn't really a lot here for them...but this is the option I am the most against, there was a time many years ago I would have absolutely jumped at the chance to move back.

Master and I are both from the city as are both our families, he took me to look at the property, the home we are in now 18 years ago, I was pregnant with our 4th and last child at the time, it was up for auction, an old 5 bedroom farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, structurally sound, although in need of a lot of modernisation, the previous owners clearly had a love of  dark wood panelling it was everywhere which made the house dark and gloomy, set in 6 acres of land with a barn and a separate 2 bedroom small cottage in a really bad state of repair definitely not liveable, but the main house yes you could live in it, if you liked living in a place that resembled Bates motel.

Master, well he saw potential, he was pointing out what we could do with it (he works in property development) knock down walls, tear out the panelling, new bathroom suites, new kitchen, rip out the old carpets to expose the wooden floors, I saw a giant money pit, and money we didn't have, I didn't like it at all, and made that very clear, but his mind was made up he was putting a bid on it and should it win we would be moving, when he has a decision to make, especially an important one, he takes his time over it, weighing up the pros and cons, once he has made that decision he is immovable, (I know, I have tried without success) although at this time I hadn't quite accepted that and damn I would put up a verbal fight, and also prone to sulking, I know I was awful and in hindsight an ungrateful spoiled brat, there was I recall quite a few punishments being dished out, not of the physical kind, he wouldn't whilst I was pregnant, but nevertheless they were still awful.

But anyway he was doing it for us, we were living in a 2 bedroom flat, no garden with 3 young children and a 4th on the way, staying in London wasn't an option house prices for the size we would need was way, way out of our budget and when this opportunity arose I can understand why he jumped at it, but I didn't see it all that way then.

I loved the city, my family and friends were all there, I liked shopping, the hustle and bustle of life, and he was moving me to the bloody sticks where the nearest town was a 20 minute walk away, walk!!!! in London you got a bus/tube everywhere, nearest neighbour was a working farm a 5 minute walk away, and to top it all off he was staying in London for work and commuting home weekends, there was many a night I cried, I was miserable, our youngest was just under a month old when we moved in, so I had 4 children under the age of 4 (2 of those being twins) and as far as I was concerned initially I was in hell, especially as at that time we couldn't afford 2 cars so I had no means of transport and the buses here were shit, much better now.

But, at some point I think in some situations you have 2 options, to either wallow in self pity and anger etc or pull your socks up and make the best of the circumstances, to see the positives, and I did, not for quite a while I didn't but eventually well yes I had to because I was just wallowing in misery and that was not good for any of us.

It took 4 years to get our home to the way we wanted it which at the time seemed so long and it was stressful for us both, and now I can look back and it seems such a little amount of time, and that all those difficult times with him being away from home and also taking a job opportunity abroad which kept him away for 5 months, it was worth it, you just don't always see that at the time.

I love it here, we have raised our children in this home, we rebuilt the little cottage and rented it out for extra income, although not anymore, I have changed, I don't enjoy shopping, other than at Christmas, I don't particularly like being out in crowded places, I love the quiet here, it's peaceful, I am a homebody and sure yes I missed and still miss the family although we were fortunate that we were able to buy a townhouse in London some years ago so on some weekends we stay there, I have one friend that I have remained close with since we was at school together, and a couple that we met through going to a munch, and they have stayed with us numerous times and we get together with them when we are in London.

I suppose if it came to it and we moved back, I would adjust just like I did to moving here, but being that much older now, well it's more difficult I think, I'm thinking am I being selfish? his parents are getting older and with FIL's dementia time isn't on our side or theirs, the reality is though our children are at some point going to fly the nest and this home will be far too big for us and at the end of the day it is just a house, but yet it is more than that, oh damn it I'm just going back and forth in my head arguing with myself over something that might not happen, well not just yet anyway, but it's like the seed has been planted when he mentioned it and now I need to sort of get my head around the idea that moving is on the table...so well I'm just rambling!

Comments

  1. Claire,

    First, let me say, I admire your faith. The trust you have in your Master is amazing. I love the story. I also understand, living in a house that while it hit all the "must haves", I hate the location, the colour ....oh just everything about this house. Of course, I have also been in this one for 10 years. But it is just a house.

    I don't envy your situation, especially since I live it, but wow, I wish I had your faith.
    Hugs
    Boo

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    Replies
    1. Hello Boo

      Thank you, although I can assure you I had my moments for a long while I was unhappy as it was such a huge adjustment and a lonely one at that. I do trust him even though I don't always agree with him I guess because I know he has proven to me that any decisions he does make are what he thinks is for the best and not just to make me unhappy, and when I am, which does occur I do come around, I am though incredibly laid back...practically horizontal lol

      I'm sure you have had this said to you before but oh I wish you blogged :)

      Delete
  2. Hey Claire.

    I have had friends in very similar situations as you. Perhaps because your relationship was a power exchange from the start, but you do seem to be accepting this far easier than they did. Of course maybe you're writing to convince yourself lol.

    Sorry for the delayed response. I can assure it had nothing to do with the content of the post 💕

    Willie

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  3. Oh Claire, totally picking up what you're carefully putting down. Master has lived many places and mouse...well, she grew up in San Francisco which was horribly busy and lived there in the area for most of her life. Never once did she think she could be happy without the hustle and bustle. Of course she left all that familiar for completely unfamiliar surroundings that were mostly rural and hated it until Omega wandered back into her life.

    We did move to be closer to His parents and it's something honestly mouse doesn't regret. Time is far shorter than one likes to consider. Honestly mouse has let her own selfish desires hurt us. We had decided to relocate permanently to the lake, and then learned Master's mother was dying. He said that mouse and the children should remain at the lake and He would remain in our old nearly empty home to be close by, working, and seeing His mom. And, mouse blew up those carefully laid out plans He had by moving us all back to be closer to Him. At the time, mouse reasoned that He wasn't capable of deciding anything. For a long time it absolutely ruined us. (Honestly mouse thinks He stopped loving her because He could not trust her, without trust love just withers).

    During that same period, mouse walked through fire to try to make Him see that she would never destroy us again. Anything He wanted to do was fine with her. It was difficult, lonely because even though Omega was there, He stopped caring (not entirely true but He was different, jaded and wary). Eventually, that obviously all changed and there was forgiveness. But it was a painful nearly 3 year period for us. We're still crawling out of that rubble.

    Guess the long-winded point is that you handled your situations far differently and honestly mouse wishes she had been more like you. It would have saved us so much heartache.

    Claire, you trust your Man, you'll express your feelings, and let Him decide the path and you'll follow Him, honestly mouse has little doubt of that. Your feelings are valid and your own -- there's nothing wrong with what you feel.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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