submission and submitting

 After comments from Windy and willie enquiring to further clarification on what I said in previous post, that being

"although i was submissive in personality I learned that that does not necessarily correlate with the act of submitting)"

I thought I would make it a post because as I started to reply in the comment it was getting quite lengthy, it would be no good me having Twitter and being limited to a word count, I talk too much, it also appears I write like I talk :)  I'm beginning to get a better understanding of why my Master is fond of gags!  Plus I would love to hear others thoughts about this if they are happy to share.

So, I know I probably don't need to but I also know that the written word can be open to misinterpretation and therefore I should like to say that I don't think anyone can tell someone else what submission and indeed submitting should look like because it's not going to be the same for everyone, so bearing that in mind this is what it looks like for me.

My submissive personality is that of being easy going, passive, and amenable, I shy away from drama and conflict although I can hold my own if I need to and have done, I tend to be the peacekeeper, but that's not all of who I am.  On the flip side of the coin, I can be prone to sarcasm, impatient, outspoken and opinionated, which could be deemed as being in direct conflict with the elements that I stated as part of my submissive personality, but we as humans are multi faceted and as such should not be pigeon holed into one set of characteristics.

I have a saying of "it's hot until it's not" which is my way of saying that submitting to things I like because they turn me on, I enjoy it, I want to do it or I'm in the mood is easy, of course it is, so yeah at those times submitting is no problem at all, the thing is it's not always this way, and it's not about me.

How my submission looks like and is demonstrated is defined by my Master, which hasn't and even now doesn't always look the same as how I think it should be, so consequently there are most definitely times when it's not been 'hot', not easy, I don't enjoy it and nor do I want to do it, and it does not highlight the submissive personality in me.

That I may not *feel* submissive at these times matters little to him, only that I submit to what has been asked of me, oh I may balk at times, protest, put forth my objections (although this never ends well for me) I will do what has been asked and I can either accept that or just make it harder on myself, either way he will get the result he wants.

I suppose an example...

I love and get off on being 'used' although that can be open to anything really, to keep it simple let's go with being used sexually, oh I love it at times when unexpectedly he will put me to my knees to suck his cock, ooh yes that makes me feel submissive....but

it's hot until it's not, he has done this at times when I'm not in the bloody mood and I don't want to, but I submit because that's the way our relationship works, it doesn't make me feel submissive at these times but yet I submit albeit not 100% willingly.

Hope that all makes some sort of sense :)







Comments

  1. willie31 March 2021 at 12:13

    Makes perfect sense to me. I have often said that it isn't submission ( for me) unless it 'costs' me something. Apparently that statement is clear as mud.

    For myself, unless I have to win over a battle of some type in my head it feels like me just doing and being who I am. ( Let's just say I can relate to your personality description of yourself 😉). That's not to say that when B has me on a timed chore list ( he thought your nipple clamp kitchen clean up was brilliant btw) I don't always feel like it is costing me much really, as opposed to my tonsils being shoved down my throat when I have a hundred other things on my mind. These things still take away a bit of freedom, freewill and definitely choice. Being told to clean the toilet at 1:26 pm may not be hot, but it does bring about my submission eventually ( and most likely a highly polished throne because I'm also violently submissive depending on my mood lol).

    The hot submissive stuff is definitely more fun, but the begrudgingly, obedience only required submissive things tend to keep me in my Submissive Heartset longer ( after I push aside my annoyance lol)

    Thanks for answering- and as you can tell I like to talk a lot as well.

    willie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. claire3 April 2021 at 13:09

      sorry for taking so long to reply wilie

      Also sorry (not sorry ha ha) for B liking the nipple clamp kitchen cleaning :)

      Yes I can most definitely agree with you that even though at times the obedience may be begrudgingly done it does reinforce my submission, loving the violently submissive description....I'm stealing that lol

      It's nice to know I'm not the only one that talks a lot :)

      Delete
  2. PK31 March 2021 at 14:51

    It clearly makes sense to me. I've daydreamed of being submissive, of giving myself over to someone. But that is NOT what my husband wants. So I've had to give up this dream. Sounds like you are very happy with it most of the time but when push come to shove, you do submit even when you don't want to. Sound to me like you have it exactly right.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. claire3 April 2021 at 13:24

      Sorry for not replying sooner PK

      It is I think frustration when one wants/yearns for something the other does not, but from the posts I have read of yours so far it seems this is something you have come to terms with?

      We have had the same albeit in a different way (s), and it has been difficult for me, and has taken me a while to get to where he wants me, sometimes I feel like a hamster going around on a wheel, running and running but getting nowhere!

      I wouldn't say we have it exactly right, yes happy, but there always seem to be room for growth, to learn more, and I think that's a good thing.

      Delete
  3. morningstar31 March 2021 at 17:52

    "it doesn't make me feel submissive at these times but yet I submit"

    Do you think it doesn't make you feel submissive (as you put it) because your mind is elsewhere? on all the other things you should be doing instead of giving him a blow job? and yet you do it! BRAVO !! in my opinion that's what being a submissive means......... not always doing what you like/want..... sometimes it has to be tough - otherwise how special is your submission??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. claire3 April 2021 at 13:33

      Sorry for late reply

      Yes there definitely is an element of my mind being elsewhere because I find it inconvenient, which I know is a direct opposite of remembering that this isn't about my wants/needs but his.

      I have never considered my submission as being special, that has given me something to chew on, I know I don't consider it a gift although I appreciate many do.

      Delete
  4. Fondles1 April 2021 at 08:29

    I think of it as sometimes being a natural easy submission vs ACTIVE submission - where you're asked to do something that you don't particularly feel in the mood for. But both have their place in a ttwd relationship I think. I used to be "afraid" that the natural submission didn't "count" cos it wasn't necessarily anything i did to *offer* him anything, but BIKSS has reassured me that even if something feels natural (Morningstar... this is the service = love thing) and we do it willingly, he still thinks of it as service and submission.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. claire3 April 2021 at 13:43

      I have only recently come across the term active dominance/submission on a blog I read, and yes I think it does apply to what you describe, there have been moments when I have had the same fear/hesitance you described that natural submission doesn't count, it does, and when I'm I'm being rational I know that, it is still coming from a place of wanting/needing to please.

      Sorry for late reply to this.

      Delete

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